he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
