this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
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It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
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You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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