K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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