His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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