dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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