Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
