I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
