As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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