Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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