Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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