You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
