I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
where are you?
Hypothermia
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
