your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
