I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You were trust falling into bushes
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
