So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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