I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
