she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
