I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
