I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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