i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
