I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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