so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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