Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
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I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
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The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
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