She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
