There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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