You're completely useless in the revolution.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I wish there were birth control emojis
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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