the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
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I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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