i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize