I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
