the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
