North Korea, Best Korea!
My balls are so social today.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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