yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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