Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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