u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
