I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
