Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
