I feel like I'm in dance class right now
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
