If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
