whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
