Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
