Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
