Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
