fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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