eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
