Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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