I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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