i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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