handjob tips. give me some.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
