The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She's JV to your varsity
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
