none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
