So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i don't like sucking hair
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
