I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
