who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Redeem this text for a blowjob
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
