I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
