Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
