At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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