I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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