i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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