New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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