Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
