Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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