spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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