hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just invented taco cereal.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
