im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
