So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you win again, gameday.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
