i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
