You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
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i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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