like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
