I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
