Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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